Well, Sunday evening and the close of another weekend. Once again, it has passed too soon.
This Friday will be the end of October. Where has this year gone? I will celebrate 11 years sober and clean November 17th. I am happy about the fact that I am still sober and clean and now too, smoke -free.
I do not think I will be celebrating at Lambda Center this go round. I am not attending meetings there much - actually, hardly at all. My AA friends most likely will feel that I am making a wrong decision on this. I can not help what they will think. I do not want to lose the few friends and family I have from AA either. They mean very much to me. I do, however find that when I go to Lambda, I feel discontent and wonder why I went. I go to see the few folks that I love. That is where they hang out. It is just not my hang out any more. I find more solace and peace in church and have for some time now.
The above is difficult. I have needed to say it for some time, however. I guess there is never a good time to risk losing friendships after several years. My hope and wish is that I will not, of course. The path I have been on for nearly a year is one I have wanted to be on for many years but was too afraid I would not want it after I got into it.
With all that aside, I have been honest and have told my truth. I only trust that my friends will accept my truth and support me and love me. Even if it is not the path they want me to follow.
I only ask: love me where I am and for whom I am. And stay in touch as we do through our blogs.
Friday evening had a beautiful experience at the Villa de Matel Chapel. It was a Taize' Prayer Service and the chapel was absolutely stunningly beautiful ! The grounds, the Mother House, they have a Villa Grotto, it is very serene there.
I will include a photo or two at the end if they will transfer.
I have been over-whelmed with emotion of late. I will be going to a Rosary for All Souls Day at the cemetary where my parents are both buried and I am already crying when I think about it.
These devotional experiences are exactly the reason I am so happy to be a Catholic. It is a beautiful religion (to me) and I can not keep a from tearing up even at regular Mass. The words to songs, the words we say in our Mass, the thought of why we are there and what we are celebrating - just an over-whelming of emotions to me.
Not that I mind. I feel deeply any more. I am not ashamed for tears to stream down my face any more. There was a time I did mind. I was a "closet cryer."
Well, I guess I have rattled on enough. I just needed to get some things out in the open.
I am Grateful and Thankful...
for God's Grace
for Precious
for friends and family
to be sober, clean and smoke-free
for the experiences of new things
for the courage to speak out and risk being hurt or rejected
for voting my conscience
for the All Souls Celebration and walking through my fears to attend and participate
Christ has died. Christ has risen. Christ will come again
thank YOU
2 comments:
I would never reject you. That's not what friends do.
Of course, I hate to see people with a commitment to recovery move on to other places, but as long as you stay sober and find happiness, THAT'S where you need to be.
You may want to consider attending birthday night as it's a great inspiration to others in the program. Whatever your decision, I support you.
I just came across your blog. What a beautiful and honest post you posted here. I to love being Catholic. Oh my gosh I know what you mean about getting teary-eyed in church. I thought it was just me. It's nice to know that others feel the same way I do and that I don't have to feel silly about getting all teary-eyed. Congratulations on your sobriety and quitting smoking. You made some good health choices and spiritaul one to it seems. :-)
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