About Me

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Houston, Texas, United States
I am a native Houstonian. I have never lived elsewhere. I have had the opportunity to travel over the years. I am a recovering alcoholic. I have one cat who is indoor only.I love coffee very hot, popcorn, sweets, the sound of hummingbirds in flight, the songs of Mockingbirds, chirp of the Cardinals,butterflies, puppy breath, horse breath, the feel and sound of a cat purring (especially mine).

Saturday, December 6, 2008

life safari 12-06-08


I ran this clipping some time ago but, it bears a fresh look.
This lioness in the article has "adopted" several oryx. It was such a shock that some of the well-known wildlife photographers/conservationists who live and work in Africa had to go to Samburu to see her in action themselves. It is an amazing occurance. There have been no new updates for a number of years now.

What a beautiful day in Houston. I am happy to be alive. To call my time my own for two days and nights.

I am most Grateful and Thankful for/that...

I have been seeking a better understanding of how I want to be as a Child of God
as a "seeker" I have been reading about those things that have caused consternation for me in relation to being 1) Catholic 2) religion 3) faith 4) church 5) Bible/Scripture
after putting my fingers in my ears for months, I have been listening to what other's have to offer on these subjects (people who are important in my life)
for reading The Shack by William P. Young
Also, The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kid
these books and other reading I do has helped me realize that:
I have been in a place of great hurt and saddness for a very long time - it has shaded my beliefs of all 5 things above
I say I want to be a Christian but, Jesus was not a Christian - he was a Jew (I'm not knocking it)
so, to try and follow Jesus' teachings (The Beatitudes), is not striving to be a good Christian. It would be striving just to be a good person
In the book (The Shack), there is a reference to the TRINITY OF TERRORS: religion, economics, politics
When my friends tried to tell me the same things found in this book - I would have none of it !

What I am trying to say is...
unfortunately, I have had tunnel vision regarding what I believe and would hear no one who tried to explain what they had discovered about these topics
I wanted so much to find a "fix" for myself. Prescibed by someone else so I could sit and coast - not think, not work, not question, not be responsible
I am Grateful that I finally took my fingers out of my ears
I had so many that tried to drop hints to me about things. Words such as "these issues shouldn't be made to be political" - ah, yes, I see now
Gays - we are being "politicized" - I ask..."what would Jesus do?"
I do not think it is what the TRINITY OF TERRORS is doing

All I am saying is this,

I am a proud gay woman who loves to pray and worship in the Catholic church. I will continue to be Catholic. It is a beautiful religion. The Bible is a history book. It has been translated so many times in so many languages that it is common knowledge that mistakes have been made and things have been changed to suit "others" agendas.
I do also adhere to the Doctrines. The Nicene and Apostles Creeds state what we as Catholics believe. Some of the other stuff - no. And, it is not required.

I, in good conscience and with a clear understanding, tell you that I am not going to operate out of a wounded Spirit one more day !

I was aided in RCIA by a woman who has studied and taught and has a Masters Degree in religion. She tried to get me to see what I have finally come to after all these months. God Bless you, Rose !

I would not change where I have been, what I have done for the past few months.

It has gotten me to this place of comfort and better understanding

I am Grateful and Thankful to be free to be myself without my Great Saddness that I have carried since I was 5 years old. And, over the years I have stacked on more and more saddness to the pile.

Thankful and Grateful to AA and loved ones. To have had AA friends and family waiting in the wings of love for me to come to a place of change and love, humility, charity and meekness.
Thank YOU
thank you Precious
Praise God

4 comments:

Findon said...

Paenuts, thank you for this beautiful post. I hope your walk is easier now. I found that once I had relised all God wanted was to love and be loved the walk was easier for me. This was the begnning of my journey, coming from no religious or spiritual background I had to stumble until i finally sat still and listened tp that still small voice. Have a good day.

peanut said...

Findon,

you are such a special, special man !

Your comments too me so much, thank you.

Yes, I must say that I feel as though I have taken a deep, clean breath for the first time in many a day (if ever, in years).

It does me good to know there is understanding and empathy on the other side of my darkness.

Thank you.

Scott W said...

We get what we get when we are ready. Never before.

I knew you were carrying some stuff around, glad now to see some of it is finding its place. Things will be fine, sometimes it just takes a little time.

peanut said...

Dear Scott,

Oh, I feel like I had the weight of all Christiandom riding on my chest.

I felt so relieved when I found a comfortable "spot" for me and my heart.

I am listening to my heart today.

I'm so happy to be out of the dark place I was in.

I love you Scott.
thank you for your friendship !