life safari #3 1/2

Good evening. Well, I am feeling better emotionally tonight, thank God. I went and showed my boss last night and this mornings blog. Sometimes I am not able to clearly explain or get the words out fast enough. Him reading an account of my misdeeds opened the path to my coloring the scene and our discussing the whole ordeal. It ended with my assuring him that I was totally responsible because of my anger and self-destructive tendencies. The main point I wanted to air was that whatever came of this, if anything, I would shoulder the consequences and not try and justify anything. I got so emotional re-living last night that I put my face in my hands and cried.

What a relief ! After I walked out of his office I felt as though a burden had been removed from my chest.

The one thing he said to me was that he would rather see me come into work with bandaids on my lip from biting it in order not to pop-off. He does not want to see me get fired. I do however realize that, like this other situation, the _ _ _ _ may not hit the fan for a month. Or never.

Non the less, he needed to have knowledge of what took place so "steel claw" wouldn't broadside him with it unknowingly.

I am very grateful for the confession. I am humiliated about my lack of control last night.

I will try so much harder now to clean up my act. There is also the issue that, yes, I give wonderful customer service until time is up, my shift is over. The niceties can end very abruptly. I get to look harder at that and see what is behind it. So, am I just acting, playing a role for work or I am genuine and happy to help? It depends on what day it is and how the day has gone, I'm afraid.

Well, one thing is for sure. I am no closer to shedding some character defects than I was several years ago. They're just dressed up differently today.

Now I must try not to dwell on when the shoe may drop over this.

Tomorrow we have potential buyers for our building/property coming. So, we must be spit-polished and shiney. Thank goodness it's Friday !

I am happy this day is coming to a close.

See you in the morning. God Bless you all and Happy Trails to You.