life safari 10-10-08

Today is finally Friday. I have anxiously waited for the week to pass. Now, here it is and it is a day I wish to skip.

I must show up at work today, knowing I will most likely be fired. This is that point, that one last chance and, even I would fire me over this one !

The part of this that I loathe is that, now I must wait - it could be today, Monday, what day?
Nothing anyone can do to me can be as bad as what my head is doing to me since my infraction.

The end to this will be the relief. Yet, I must go in, face my sin-confess it and live with the consequences. A stupid, off - the - cuff "joke" I made to a customer that was, not only a touch off-color in it's meaning but to someone that I do not have that type kidding relationship with in the first place.

What was I thinking? Obviously, I was not. To make matters worse, in her talking to me, she almost got hit by a gate coming down. I am Toast, cooked, fired !

There is no justifying this breach. I can only give this in my defense: I'm very tired physically and mentally right now. There was a lot of chaos as I was trying to leave the booth yesterday and, I grab at humor to relieve my stress sometimes. Unfortunately, in this case, there was a disconnect in appropriateness. I feel terrible about this situation. All of it.

Had the customer not been exchanging words with me, she would not have been in harm's way of the gate.

I only wish I had made my exit two minutes earlier. That is all it took for me to ruin almost 3 good years of service in my job. Now I get to live in self-flagellation until the hour of dismissal.

What I must face with this knowledge and the waiting for the hour, is far more punishment than anyone else can heap on me.

This trip into the job is the bravest step I have taken in a long time. I also am not trying to justify my "insanity of the moment."

I must understand the why's of this matter so as not to repeat this kind of tragedy.

I do think that I have been working a shift that was far too long and lasted longer than I was able to hold up in.

Eight hours in that booth with the happenings that go on daily - I think may have been over-reaching for my ability.

I am Grateful and Thankful...

to be sober and clean
that no matter what, I can tell the truth today
Precious
God's Grace
thankYOU