life safari April 8th

Wow, it has been ages since I've blogged.

I have been rushing through life, forgetting to smell the roses and too concerned about tomorrow to enjoy today.
my life is like a speeding, out of control train at times.

It is time to gear down, calm down and realize that life happens. It is a non-descriminating happening.

I am Grateful and Thankful...

to be alive and well, by all standards
I am Blessed beyond measure
I give myself permission to stay in the day and not worry about tomorrow - just for today
that I had a wonderful awakening to the birds, chattering their lovely talk this morning
It is a fine weather day in Houston ! Just right !
My Sponsor is traveling to San Diego for a week of fun and communion with friends there
I wish him a wonderful vacation
I work today
Precious is still my fantastic side-kick and we are just happy to have each other
And, I am happy to have YOU
for God's Grace and Mercy
thank YOU

life safari - Thursday

One day closer to the end of this week !

And, it has been a very slow week. Sort of hum-drum but, it beats out of control exciting !

Today, I am Grateful and Thankful...

I am alive, well and loved

for more love in my life than I've ever been aware of
that I am sober, clean and smoke-free

to have plans for the weekend that are a bit different and that involves socializing with good friends and new

to be on a more level emotional plane than I was 3 weeks ago. All that new phone programing mess had me stirred up

to look forward to the noon meeting today and meeting a friend to look at his new life through his photos

for the Grace of God

for Precious and her company and love

that I have her to give love and stroking to. It is healing to love on one's pet

for friends and loved ones - my world is much more bearable and joyful because you are in it !

thank YOU and all You have Blessed me with

Peace

life safari - Sunday, March 1st

I know Jill thinks I have absolutely lost my last marble. I wrote her an E-mail and started it by saying..."happy April the 1st." There may be no hope for my little pea brain.

I am Grateful and Thankful...

God, my higher power
a wonderful celebration of sobriety last night
that February is over and we are getting closer to warmer weather
for my friends and loved ones
for Precious. My house-mate
that I finally got music loaded into my new cell phone
that because I didn't give up, I can now enjoy my efforts of the above
I am happy that, when I want something, I persevere
for the Grace of God
to be sober, clean and smoke-free and,
the courage of one celebrant to talk about her quitting her anti-depressants. I have had pretty much the same experience she had. And, as she related, when I was on them - I defininately needed them. It is nice to be able to do with out and have a different life.

thank YOU

life safari - 02-27-09

Well, February is almost over. We are having the March winds now, if they get stronger in March, it may blow our houses down.

I am Grateful and Thankful...

that I am hanging on to less expectations

I am feeling more loved and related to by a romantic interest and it is helping me be content with just what we have. I am not desiring more and getting disappointed

I realize, with time and interacting that we are cut from different cloth

I desire a companionship with a person and she does not feel that desire. There are many other areas that we do not feel the same on. This, however does not cause me great anguish today as it did a few weeks ago.

Becoming better friends has been the difference in my feelings, mood and calmed my desire for something that she can not give.

It is a good thing !

Make not mistake, however. I am in love and love this person very much. Enough to be satisfied with what she has to offer and be self-contained and independent enough to seek what else I need elsewhere.

for Precious

for God's Grace

thank YOU

life safari - Thursday 02-26-09

Another month drawing to an end.

Today, I am Grateful and thankful ...

for God's Grace, love and care - even though I'm sure I test His patience too
the love of my friends and family
for Precious in my home
for AA and recovery - for me and many people that I love
for friends/loved ones that are back in my life after I "took a powder"
for a new-found appreciation for love in a certain relationship that used to baffle me
for being much easier to be in a loving, nurturing relationship
I haven't cried myself to sleep over the above in several weeks
to be more light-hearted and less grasping/demanding for what I want out of the relationship
that, if I just be me and not try and cling, things change in a way that is so pleasing and fulfilling
I learn my lessons the hard way
thank YOU
and you all, too
God Bless

life safari - Monday

I am feeling strange this morning. Got too hot in my sleep and got up very stuffed up. Also, I had an episode of eating more than I have been used to Saturday. My whole system is disrupted this morning.

Now, it is my goal to get back to a routine of normalcy today. I have been totally absorbed with programming my new phone. It is finished, for the most part and now it can be the aid that it is supposed to be rather than the object of my total attention.

I am so sorry that we have lost Jimmy L this past week. But, I know he is in a place better than he has been in for a long time. Rest in Peace Dear Jimmy. And, I hope your family will find peace soon and their grief will subside with time.

I am Grateful and Thankful...

to be alive and well this morning
that Precious is alive and well and by my side
that Jill is in my life
that Wanda Bear is in my life
that I have so many loving people in my life through AA
for God's Grace
for another day to live this life and I dedicate myself to living it as close to goodness and happiness as I can
although I have worries, I am going to live in a positive state of mind today
thank YOU

life safari - Feb. 19th

Good Morning ! I feel rested and ready for the day.

Today, I am Grateful and Thankful for/that...

I am sober, clean, smoke-free and about 14 pounds lighter
Work is going well
Jill and I am doing well together (long distance, currently)
to have her back in my life
to also have Wanda Bear back in my life - I lost touch with Wanda and Jill for 3 years
for Precious - this wonderful cat is my touch-stone in many ways
for today and tomorrow and then, it's the weekend. No one owns any of my time on Sat. and Sun
for Grace
that, I finally got my contacts entered into the cell phone
for the challenge of technology - it's a hair-puller but once I figure it out, I feel good and enjoy the thing
for my friends and loved - ones
thank YOU

life safari - President's Day

Happy President's Day to my Favorite passed President:
Bill Clinton. (and, Hillary) !!
Former President Bill Clinton IS, AND WILL ALWAYS BE...MY PRESIDENT !
He was my JFK.

And I don't care what anyone else thinks about it.

I am Grateful and Thankful for/that...

I got a smaller Cell phone. One that does all the things my 11 year old phone didn't do

that I had a wonderful weekend

that I am going to have a wonderful week

the fantastic spaghettini w/tomato and basil at The California Kitchen yesterday - Thank you so much Don K !

wonderful company and an absolutely stunning Sunday late afternoon (weather-wise)

to be alive, sober, anxious to be with frinds before work

thank YOU

life safari - Sunday 02-15-09

My late mother's birthday is today.
I miss you.

I am Grateful and Thankful that..

I get to enjoy eating with two of my very Special men-friends in a little while !

I am fortunate to have people in my life who care about me, like me, love me and I feel the same for them - it just doesn't get any better than this !

And, Jill and I have had a series of talks, and, I am confident in our love for each other, our future of intimacy with one another, that our communication is open and honest and that,
she really DOES care deeply for me

And, she absolutely loves the manner in which I love her. And, I do.

I have made so many changes in the 3 years away from her. I worked at it. Not for her, I had no idea that I would ever talk to her again, hear from her or ever see her again.

I am well pleased that I made that call - I put fear aside and trusted her good heart. She is, indeed , a Good Hearted Woman. And, I am as well.

For God's Grace

a new awareness of what I do mean to Jill. We simply are from different cultures of being raised, backgrounds in Education and social traditions. I am all about emotion - she is all about thinking things to death. She's a very educated and smart woman. She has been in "Think Tanks". I have been in emotional brawls - perfect fit if you ask me !! TeeHee

To be sober, clean and smoke free STILL, AND,

to have lost 13.2 pounds in Weight Watcher's over 7 weeks thus far

to feel so alive and nurtured, wanted today

Thank YOU

life safari - Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day friends and family !

I am Grateful and Thankful for/that...

I have a job
I am sober and clean
I have a car
a house
a sweet cat as a companion
friends that I would walk through fire for
friends who are family to me
the love I have in my life today
I never gave up and chose to persevere
good and horrible memories
happiness and sadness in unequal measure - I'm far happier than sad
God's Grace

life safari - tuesday 02-10-09

To be Grateful and Thankful...

to be Blessed - all of my needs are met today. I do not want for anything that is needed to sustain my life. Also, I have much more that covers the "wants" category.

Life is Good

Thank YOU

life safari - o2-o9-o9

I am Grateful and Thankful...

to Scott and his wonderful comments. Thank you, my friend. You always brighten my day with your words of Spiritual wisdom

to my Higher Power for giving me a wonderful cat to live with. She can brighten my mood just being her sweet, quiet, emeralded - eyed self

for my Sponsor who helped me by lisening and sharing and offering his sage reflections

for Father Tom and Frank for their company at dinner last evening. What a lucky woman I am to be in the company of men of love and Spiritualism

that I sent Father John a note of sorrow and support - his cancer is back

for the fellowship of AA

for the encouragement of Frank and Mary for me to return that D___ GPS unit (that I couldn't get to work right), And, I did and I got most of my money back !

that, had I not acted upon that suggestion yesterday, it would have been too late to return it

that I now can take suggestions

for plenty of interesting things to read at work today

for being alive today

for my friends and family

for the Grace of God

for Mercy

for sobriety

for talking and listening and sharing a laugh with frinds

for a job

that I am going to plan a vacation for myself - something that I really want to do. Someplace I really want to see

that the above scares the hell out of me - the actual DOING the deal

thank YOU

life safari - Saturday nite

Boy, wounded in love. What a dreadful place for a heart to be. It's going to be ok though. I put myself in this position - me, I. No one else.

I am Grateful and Thankful...

for the friends and family I have at Lambda Center. You all make my heart whole again with your love.

Precious and my Higher Power - these two ask every moment of the day for my love and ask me, no, BEG me to allow them to love me. And I want someone who can not return the love I have for them ? How totally stupid ! What a waste ! I cry myself to sleep over this ? No more !

for a wonderful night at the Speaker Meeting. And then dinner with a friend. And laughs with this friend. How very special and appreciated.

for frank talk about ourselves at dinner. How very healing. This is the best way to sort things out-talking with a friend. Thank you, friend !

that I realize I need to get back to the Spiritual path I was on prior to Jill coming back into my life-or rather, my getting back into her life. She maintains her distance

By the Grace of God, she and my other friend that I had lost contact with for several years ARE in my life in some capacity. That is what I had prayed for. My prayers were answered and then I took the ball and went head-long into something of my own creation.

So, as I said to start. It is a situation of my own creation. I have no one else to blame for my hurt

I very quickly placed my Higher Power on the shelf and put someone in that esteemed place

Idol worship. Pure and simple.

God, help me get back to YOU.

The Grace of God which defies reason and worthiness

Thank YOU

life safari - thursday

What a pretty morning in H-Town !

Today, I am Grateful and Thankful..

for the realization that I seek approval, happiness, answers, sense of self, many things, OUTSIDE OF MYSELF

I am not happy with this realization. However, I have had this going on for years. At least now, I am AWARE OF WHAT I'M DOING !

That, now I can do the work to change (above) YES!!!!!

to be willing to cut back on expenses - gas prices are steadily going up again

that I finally got the italics button OFF

Precious and her wonderful cat being

Dave's gift of the CAT LOVE LETTERS - what a joyful little read that was. Thanks Dave

the Grace I receive which I will never deserve

tests and results which can propel me to change my life-style

thank YOU

life safari Tues. 02/03/09

Well, I had a very nice Birthday yesterday.
Thank you, every one of you who acknowledged my "special" day !

I am Grateful and Thankful...

to be alive, sober and clean another day
that Precious is alive, well and with me
my computer is working very well now
that I didn't give up during all the computer troubles and run out and buy a new one
for friends. True ones. People that honestly care for me, about me and accept me for who and what I am
that Jill's mother is ok after her procedure
to have a home, a job, friends, a companion cat, to be alive another day, my health, I don't have to beg for help on the streets,
Wow, I Blessed with much more than I deserve
Thank YOU

life safari - Feb. 1st

What a nice day. It is more to my liking (weather-wiz).

Tomorrow, I will be 59 (around 7:23 P.M.).
When my father came home from work on Feb. 2nd, my mother told him "Charley, it's time. Get me to the hospital." Dad was a welder at the time and he asked her if he could shower first. Mother told him "No !"

Dad went off to eat in the hospital cafeteria, and I was born ! I weighed 6 lbs. 9 1/2 ounces. I had a head of black hair and black eyes and I was Not happy !

Today, I am Grateful and Thankful...

a computer that is working correctly now. Didn't have to spend money on a new one

that I am thoroughly enjoying my relationships with Jill and Chick after I lost touch with them for a time. I thank them for their participation in reviving our friendships

to be sober and clean

for the joy of a friend picking me up and taking me to town - what a nice change ! Thank you Mary

for Precious and her loving, nurturing cat Spirit

for the house being clean today. Thank you Philip

for life itself - when I gripe about what is going on that I do not like, I am quick to think of things to be grateful for

AA and my "Gratitude List" friends and family. You all keep me sane and coming back. Thanks!

for the wonders of nature that I enjoy connecting with daily

for the fact that I was spared watching my parents age to the point that they were not able to care for themselves. My friend (the woman I love) is struggling with this issue with both parents

that I can be here (over the phone at least) for her and listen and express compassion

for God's Grace

that my side is not hurting as badly today. I could get up out of bed without as much effort or pain

that I am hopeful that as I finish the medication, my problem will disappear

Thank YOU

life safari 01-31-09

The last day of this month.
And, AA birthday night.

Happy Birthday...
Zane 17
Diane 18
Kathy 18
George 13
Pat 17
________
WOW !!!!!!

I am Grateful and Thankful for/that...

I am sober too
to be in such great company much of the time
to have my house cleaned today
to be out of pain when I'm moving about. My pain is unbearable at night and early morning when I first get up. I'm under a Dr.'s care - I'll be alright
the weather today is so very beautiful
I'm Blessed with so much in my life
that my computer is operating correctly after not working right for so long
for second chances
that Mary is coming by my house to pick me up for dinner and AA birthday night - what a treat !
for the Grace of God
thank YOU

life safari - Thurs. 01/29/09

What a beautiful day out !

My computer has seen fit to shape up - last night and today. It is acting like a new unit, responding like it is supposed to and doing it with speed and grace !

AWESOME !!!! Many of you know the problems I've had lately with it.

So, I was able to download software for my GPS unit. I had done so prior (or, so I thought) but,
the computer malfunctioned and it was never downloaded. Well,

I have a GPS unit that is so full of good stuff. It is connected to my computer, I have many things to enhance the experience at my finger-tips and, all because my computer decided to operate like it should last night. I'm stumped but, to show my appreciation, I have gone in and deleted a bunch of photos and other stuff that should help it maintain it's good attitude and service.

I am so Grateful and Thankful :

you know how happy I am for this pearl (above)
for God's Grace
for the "delete" button
that I learned the hard way years ago to only delete things I created on the computer
that I still hold the title of "Queen of delete"
that now, I will defrag and clean up the mess of my deletions while getting ready for my AA meeting today !!
Thank YOU

life safari - Wednesday the 28th of January

Good morning. It is cold but at least we live in a more moderate area - we aren't having ice storms, snow piked on our roofs so that the roofs cave in.
I can not imagine life in areas like that. It must be very difficult.
My hats off to those who are hearty enough to carry-on living in it. I am too much of a softy.

Today, I am Grateful and Thankful...

that I get another day of life

I slept - in this morning and, at least currently, I am not as depressed as I have been for a week
that in my past, I seemed to have been depressed as a normal way of life. Today it is a place that visits me on occasion. It is scary to me because I fear it may take permanent residence

my thoughts have been of "doom and gloom" for several weeks. Of course I'm depressed !

As a friend posted on his blog: "the thoughts I have today affect your life tomorrow." Loosely translated. It is so with me. I have very definately seen how, my emotions affect my body. And, my body's reactions are very immediate.

today, I have had many months of feeling great and very happy. I will not allow a week or two of saddness and depression to conquer me - I've come too far to turn back now !

I chose many months ago to go off of anti-depressants. I definately have had to deal through my emotions and come up with new ways of thinking and doing as a consequence.

If the day comes when I can no longer get myself through the depression as I've been able to do thus far, I will reassess my decision. I must say that I have worked very hard to make changes so that I could deal differently in life. Changes that have helped stave off being depressed.

that there is chemical help if needed

that although I have not been able to figure out this Geocaching set-up on my GPS receiver, I have taken a break and will hopefully come back to it tonight and "get it"

to know that, because my brain puts information together "differently" than some, it doesn't mean that I am stupid. I am a very detailed person on information. And my brain needs to be fed very detailed information. It looks like this: 1) do this, 2) do this 3) do this - no "daylight" for guessing what is done next for me. Other's can have some spaces in there that their brains can imagine what is done next. I see these as "nuances." My brain doesn't handle them when it comes to directions.

that I was able to vent here. I have needed to express what has been written but have had to get it all together in my own head to get it out.

God's Grace

the Mercy that I am given daily, hourly

for Precious who is so patient with me. I have tried to play ball with her more lately - she loves it

I love her

for love in my life

thank YOU

life safari 01-27-09

Another day to attend to health check ups. It's good to almost be finished with them and I feel better because I have done them.

The "biggie" is Feb. 2nd - colonoscopy time. Yes, I'm going to talk about it. It's one of those things that is not fun, people hate to have done but it is soooo necessary. Collorectal cancer is very curable when caught early. I have a history (on both sides of my family) of pre-cancerous polyps. So, I get checked every couple of years.

Now, it's your turn.

Today, I am Grateful and Thankful for/that...

I am alive and well
even though my computer is failing, I'm perservering
can not get my GPS system fixed to use in Geocaching and I haven't given up yet
to be sober and clean
to have people who love me and whom I love
that it is going to get seriously cold later today and I am not staying home under the covers
that I have a job
a car
a Precious cat
Grace
so much more
thank YOU