life safari - Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day friends and family !

I am Grateful and Thankful for/that...

I have a job
I am sober and clean
I have a car
a house
a sweet cat as a companion
friends that I would walk through fire for
friends who are family to me
the love I have in my life today
I never gave up and chose to persevere
good and horrible memories
happiness and sadness in unequal measure - I'm far happier than sad
God's Grace

life safari - tuesday 02-10-09

To be Grateful and Thankful...

to be Blessed - all of my needs are met today. I do not want for anything that is needed to sustain my life. Also, I have much more that covers the "wants" category.

Life is Good

Thank YOU

life safari - o2-o9-o9

I am Grateful and Thankful...

to Scott and his wonderful comments. Thank you, my friend. You always brighten my day with your words of Spiritual wisdom

to my Higher Power for giving me a wonderful cat to live with. She can brighten my mood just being her sweet, quiet, emeralded - eyed self

for my Sponsor who helped me by lisening and sharing and offering his sage reflections

for Father Tom and Frank for their company at dinner last evening. What a lucky woman I am to be in the company of men of love and Spiritualism

that I sent Father John a note of sorrow and support - his cancer is back

for the fellowship of AA

for the encouragement of Frank and Mary for me to return that D___ GPS unit (that I couldn't get to work right), And, I did and I got most of my money back !

that, had I not acted upon that suggestion yesterday, it would have been too late to return it

that I now can take suggestions

for plenty of interesting things to read at work today

for being alive today

for my friends and family

for the Grace of God

for Mercy

for sobriety

for talking and listening and sharing a laugh with frinds

for a job

that I am going to plan a vacation for myself - something that I really want to do. Someplace I really want to see

that the above scares the hell out of me - the actual DOING the deal

thank YOU

life safari - Saturday nite

Boy, wounded in love. What a dreadful place for a heart to be. It's going to be ok though. I put myself in this position - me, I. No one else.

I am Grateful and Thankful...

for the friends and family I have at Lambda Center. You all make my heart whole again with your love.

Precious and my Higher Power - these two ask every moment of the day for my love and ask me, no, BEG me to allow them to love me. And I want someone who can not return the love I have for them ? How totally stupid ! What a waste ! I cry myself to sleep over this ? No more !

for a wonderful night at the Speaker Meeting. And then dinner with a friend. And laughs with this friend. How very special and appreciated.

for frank talk about ourselves at dinner. How very healing. This is the best way to sort things out-talking with a friend. Thank you, friend !

that I realize I need to get back to the Spiritual path I was on prior to Jill coming back into my life-or rather, my getting back into her life. She maintains her distance

By the Grace of God, she and my other friend that I had lost contact with for several years ARE in my life in some capacity. That is what I had prayed for. My prayers were answered and then I took the ball and went head-long into something of my own creation.

So, as I said to start. It is a situation of my own creation. I have no one else to blame for my hurt

I very quickly placed my Higher Power on the shelf and put someone in that esteemed place

Idol worship. Pure and simple.

God, help me get back to YOU.

The Grace of God which defies reason and worthiness

Thank YOU

life safari - thursday

What a pretty morning in H-Town !

Today, I am Grateful and Thankful..

for the realization that I seek approval, happiness, answers, sense of self, many things, OUTSIDE OF MYSELF

I am not happy with this realization. However, I have had this going on for years. At least now, I am AWARE OF WHAT I'M DOING !

That, now I can do the work to change (above) YES!!!!!

to be willing to cut back on expenses - gas prices are steadily going up again

that I finally got the italics button OFF

Precious and her wonderful cat being

Dave's gift of the CAT LOVE LETTERS - what a joyful little read that was. Thanks Dave

the Grace I receive which I will never deserve

tests and results which can propel me to change my life-style

thank YOU

life safari Tues. 02/03/09

Well, I had a very nice Birthday yesterday.
Thank you, every one of you who acknowledged my "special" day !

I am Grateful and Thankful...

to be alive, sober and clean another day
that Precious is alive, well and with me
my computer is working very well now
that I didn't give up during all the computer troubles and run out and buy a new one
for friends. True ones. People that honestly care for me, about me and accept me for who and what I am
that Jill's mother is ok after her procedure
to have a home, a job, friends, a companion cat, to be alive another day, my health, I don't have to beg for help on the streets,
Wow, I Blessed with much more than I deserve
Thank YOU

life safari - Feb. 1st

What a nice day. It is more to my liking (weather-wiz).

Tomorrow, I will be 59 (around 7:23 P.M.).
When my father came home from work on Feb. 2nd, my mother told him "Charley, it's time. Get me to the hospital." Dad was a welder at the time and he asked her if he could shower first. Mother told him "No !"

Dad went off to eat in the hospital cafeteria, and I was born ! I weighed 6 lbs. 9 1/2 ounces. I had a head of black hair and black eyes and I was Not happy !

Today, I am Grateful and Thankful...

a computer that is working correctly now. Didn't have to spend money on a new one

that I am thoroughly enjoying my relationships with Jill and Chick after I lost touch with them for a time. I thank them for their participation in reviving our friendships

to be sober and clean

for the joy of a friend picking me up and taking me to town - what a nice change ! Thank you Mary

for Precious and her loving, nurturing cat Spirit

for the house being clean today. Thank you Philip

for life itself - when I gripe about what is going on that I do not like, I am quick to think of things to be grateful for

AA and my "Gratitude List" friends and family. You all keep me sane and coming back. Thanks!

for the wonders of nature that I enjoy connecting with daily

for the fact that I was spared watching my parents age to the point that they were not able to care for themselves. My friend (the woman I love) is struggling with this issue with both parents

that I can be here (over the phone at least) for her and listen and express compassion

for God's Grace

that my side is not hurting as badly today. I could get up out of bed without as much effort or pain

that I am hopeful that as I finish the medication, my problem will disappear

Thank YOU

life safari 01-31-09

The last day of this month.
And, AA birthday night.

Happy Birthday...
Zane 17
Diane 18
Kathy 18
George 13
Pat 17
________
WOW !!!!!!

I am Grateful and Thankful for/that...

I am sober too
to be in such great company much of the time
to have my house cleaned today
to be out of pain when I'm moving about. My pain is unbearable at night and early morning when I first get up. I'm under a Dr.'s care - I'll be alright
the weather today is so very beautiful
I'm Blessed with so much in my life
that my computer is operating correctly after not working right for so long
for second chances
that Mary is coming by my house to pick me up for dinner and AA birthday night - what a treat !
for the Grace of God
thank YOU

life safari - Thurs. 01/29/09

What a beautiful day out !

My computer has seen fit to shape up - last night and today. It is acting like a new unit, responding like it is supposed to and doing it with speed and grace !

AWESOME !!!! Many of you know the problems I've had lately with it.

So, I was able to download software for my GPS unit. I had done so prior (or, so I thought) but,
the computer malfunctioned and it was never downloaded. Well,

I have a GPS unit that is so full of good stuff. It is connected to my computer, I have many things to enhance the experience at my finger-tips and, all because my computer decided to operate like it should last night. I'm stumped but, to show my appreciation, I have gone in and deleted a bunch of photos and other stuff that should help it maintain it's good attitude and service.

I am so Grateful and Thankful :

you know how happy I am for this pearl (above)
for God's Grace
for the "delete" button
that I learned the hard way years ago to only delete things I created on the computer
that I still hold the title of "Queen of delete"
that now, I will defrag and clean up the mess of my deletions while getting ready for my AA meeting today !!
Thank YOU

life safari - Wednesday the 28th of January

Good morning. It is cold but at least we live in a more moderate area - we aren't having ice storms, snow piked on our roofs so that the roofs cave in.
I can not imagine life in areas like that. It must be very difficult.
My hats off to those who are hearty enough to carry-on living in it. I am too much of a softy.

Today, I am Grateful and Thankful...

that I get another day of life

I slept - in this morning and, at least currently, I am not as depressed as I have been for a week
that in my past, I seemed to have been depressed as a normal way of life. Today it is a place that visits me on occasion. It is scary to me because I fear it may take permanent residence

my thoughts have been of "doom and gloom" for several weeks. Of course I'm depressed !

As a friend posted on his blog: "the thoughts I have today affect your life tomorrow." Loosely translated. It is so with me. I have very definately seen how, my emotions affect my body. And, my body's reactions are very immediate.

today, I have had many months of feeling great and very happy. I will not allow a week or two of saddness and depression to conquer me - I've come too far to turn back now !

I chose many months ago to go off of anti-depressants. I definately have had to deal through my emotions and come up with new ways of thinking and doing as a consequence.

If the day comes when I can no longer get myself through the depression as I've been able to do thus far, I will reassess my decision. I must say that I have worked very hard to make changes so that I could deal differently in life. Changes that have helped stave off being depressed.

that there is chemical help if needed

that although I have not been able to figure out this Geocaching set-up on my GPS receiver, I have taken a break and will hopefully come back to it tonight and "get it"

to know that, because my brain puts information together "differently" than some, it doesn't mean that I am stupid. I am a very detailed person on information. And my brain needs to be fed very detailed information. It looks like this: 1) do this, 2) do this 3) do this - no "daylight" for guessing what is done next for me. Other's can have some spaces in there that their brains can imagine what is done next. I see these as "nuances." My brain doesn't handle them when it comes to directions.

that I was able to vent here. I have needed to express what has been written but have had to get it all together in my own head to get it out.

God's Grace

the Mercy that I am given daily, hourly

for Precious who is so patient with me. I have tried to play ball with her more lately - she loves it

I love her

for love in my life

thank YOU

life safari 01-27-09

Another day to attend to health check ups. It's good to almost be finished with them and I feel better because I have done them.

The "biggie" is Feb. 2nd - colonoscopy time. Yes, I'm going to talk about it. It's one of those things that is not fun, people hate to have done but it is soooo necessary. Collorectal cancer is very curable when caught early. I have a history (on both sides of my family) of pre-cancerous polyps. So, I get checked every couple of years.

Now, it's your turn.

Today, I am Grateful and Thankful for/that...

I am alive and well
even though my computer is failing, I'm perservering
can not get my GPS system fixed to use in Geocaching and I haven't given up yet
to be sober and clean
to have people who love me and whom I love
that it is going to get seriously cold later today and I am not staying home under the covers
that I have a job
a car
a Precious cat
Grace
so much more
thank YOU

life safari - Wednesday the 22nd

Happy Birthday Trish !!!

Today, I am Grateful and Thankful ...

that I am alive and well this morning

to have friends

for Precious

for a new day

for health

for a job that supplies me a paycheck

a roof over my head

a car to get me where I wish to be

the promise of a new day and,

the Grace of God

for AA and Weight Watchers

for changes in my actions, thoughts and ways of behaving

for second and third and fourth chances (and beyond)

for God's Mercy

for art and my artist friends

for my intellectual and P.H.D. friends - who love the college drop-out anyway

for the peace I feel about myself and my place in the world today

for romantic love. Even when it isn't reciprocated quite as strongly

that I do not expect anyone to feel just as I feel

for this day of life and the desire to live it, love it and learn more

thank YOU

life safari 01-20-09

What a historic day in America ! I wish I could curl up under the covers and stay home and watch it all today.

It is payday, that's exciting too. A bit less considering the new President gets sworn in today.

I am Grateful and Thankful that/for...

to be an American by birth and choice

I have been filling out health insurance forms the past three evenings and, I can tell you, it looks bleak. If you want health insurance, don't have any health issues ! My goodness, after three days of looking over my past 5 years (one wants past 10 years) of medical records, I should be on disability ! But, I have too many means to qualify there. It just puts me in a tough spot, psychologically

Today is a new day, I've given into the doom (last night) and today I will come out ready to fill out forms tonight - screw 'em !

Life is a real mixed bag of stuff. Now, I feel a sense of urgency about traveling. I feel that I had better get with it now while I'm physically sound (sort of) for, later, perhaps, not so much

What a juggling act life is

Today, I am perplexed by it all

that, I don't have to try and figure it out alone. I think I'll turn it over and have a pleasant day

And you?

for Precious and her company

for the people I love and that reciprocate that love

for God's Grace and Mercy

Thank YOU

life safari - Monday of Inauguration Week

It is a party atmosphere in the country, especially in the District.
And, for good reason ! We as Americans have a new President and 4 years to work on things that have gone way wrong.

I am glad that there is a feeling of hope today in our Nation and most people. Some people are distraught at the change. To this I say, you've had your 8 years to the chagrine of others, now let us have these 4 years and try and not muddy the waters. Some real exciting things may just happen that will make you happy too.

I am Grateful and Thankful, today for...

Change
Change in me
Change in "the Guard"
Change in the Air
Change in _________. You fill in the blank.
Praise God and God Bless... our exiting President, our New President, our Nation and Peoples

Thank YOU

life safari - Saturday

This carved tree is in the front entrance of the National Zoo, Washington D.C.

What a wonderful day I've had thus far. I went to an early meeting and then got a fantastic haircut. My hair stylist is very good. She has a huge client base and for very good reason. She's also a wonderful woman !

I plan to see a movie at 4:00 then attend a Speaker meeting tonight at Lambda. I am getting out and "doing" these days and it feels good.

I am Grateful and Thankful for/that...

It was much warmer today. It is getting overcast and may rain tomorrow

I feel full. I feel satisfied being me for the first time in my life. It is as though, all those loose ends that I could not bring together have fallen into place

I really like and appreciate my new hair cut

I cherish my friends, family and cat

being in a place of acceptance and freedom from the oppression of doubt and fear

for the feelings I have for other's who are in pain. I pray for other people. I have had miracles worked in my life so I know that prayers work. I feel so good that, today I care for other's

the feelings of not being in chains to my selfish desires any longer

that I have this Precious cat in my life and a wonderful friend in Rosie, my hair dresser's Golden Retriever

the love of some outstanding people and to be able to honestly reciprocate with my love

I have an awesome life today

the Grace of God

Thank YOU

life safari 01-16-09

What a beautiful, however, very cold morning !

this summer, no doubt I will miss this weather. How soon I forget the opressive heat and humidity ! even as I don't care for cold weather

I have had a wonderful week. Hearing from two friends that shared lots of years and "stuff" with me - much of it while still drinking -because of this, I have been able to shed that deep sense of sadness and loss I have been carrying. I have everything to be happy, joyous and free (spirited) about.

I am Grateful and Thankful for/that...
Grace and Mercy given to me. I will be ever so humble and remember how that moment feels.
this, will aid me in extending the same Grace and Mercy to others

for the gifts of friendship and love - I may not have realized what it takes to "love" before this week but, I guarantee you, I definately know now. Better late than never !

that I have been working toward this change for 11 years through AA and recently, on a Spiritual level. It took getting involved on a religious basis for me to grasp that Spiritual level.

That the AA program is not a "one size fits all" - we all have a different path to the same ending:
stay sober and clean, try and make reforms with the guidelines, have a sense of conscience
awareness and be brave = a sober, clean better life.

for the simplicity of AA that I made so difficult for so long because I was just not able to put it all together at the same time.

the awareness that it was not ME who finally got me where I am internally today - it took a couple of villages for me

and the knowledge that there is more to do now

gratitude that I feel more equipted to go forward from here

Precious. One of many gifts my Lord has Graced me with

The Blessing of happiness today - Friends (all of yous) to walk through my jouney in life with me

Thank YOU

life safari -Thurs. 01-15-09

Oh, Good Morning, all !

I am very happy to say that, I did hear from one of my friends which I had lost contact with. What a joyful experience ! I am please that she seemed as happy to hear my voice as I was to hear hers. Thank absolutely made my day.

I will just pick up and begin corresponding with my other friend that I lost contact with the past year. I did talk to her by phone and she told me that we are still, as always friends in her mind and that the miles between us have simply seperated us. I will not allow that to be from now on. I intend to correspond with her again on a regular basis. I miss her terribly !
But, there is a solution. All I have to do is get off my A_ _ and stay in touch.

Today, I am Blessed and truly Grateful and Thankful...

for life - another day to make my life in this world count for something good and genuine
for God's Grace
for Precious
that joy has replaced that pain and sadness that I felt at the beginning of the week (and beyond)
for getting done what I said I would do this year- a good physical check-up. My first appt. is this morning toward that end
for the gorgeous blue, clear skies lately. What a beautiful string of days we have had of late
for the cheerfulness I feel and..
the joy of life I am experiencing.
The Lord has Blessed my life and I have begun to let go and let God
and, it works !
Thank YOU

life safari - Sunday - 01/11/09

Yes, dAAve, right you are.
It's just talk.
However, I am in need of a vacation - desperately !

I am Grateful and Thankful...

that I can turn a switch and get heat and cool in the house - what luxury I am Blessed to enjoy
I am sleeping indoors - I'm not out in the elements and prey for wild animals
I am fortunate to have a few friends - I haven't run them ALL OFF -yet
for the remorse and guilt for the ones I apparently have run off - I miss them
I have gotten in touch with two of the above - my efforts of reconciliation are ignored thus far
that the two above are really BIG losses
that although I buried the memory of these two losses for a time, I believe it has weighed heavily on my inner feelings of discomfort/saddness
perhaps I just need a vacation from myself
I can just imagine how Precious must feel. Perhaps she would enjoy some time to love me from afar (?)
Well, since she is unable to talk, I will never know. Although the two can talk, they choose to be silent
I will never shut the door on anyone again

life safari 01-09-09

Well, this evening, I had an "Update" on my Norton software and - my computer is operating better than it has for weeks ! ABOUT TIME !!!! I was so close to throwing the thing out in the yard - so many times the past few weeks. Now, this is what I'm talk'n about.

I am Grateful and Thankful...

that it is the WEEKEND (finally)
that I lost a bit more weight this past week
a friend of mine has lost quite a bit of weight in past weeks -his medical picture is looking better
that we had mild temperatures today BUT, we're in for a drastic change REAL soon (in the morning) BOO !
I may enjoy sitting in front of the fireplace with Precious this weekend. She enjoys the fireplace as much as I
that I don't live an apartment or townhouse - fires seem to strike these often
it seems that my leak in my bathroom is repaired. I now have a lot more closet space available
that I have never seen the criminal's faces who murdered a person as I am hearing a man on the news explain (he is moving and not showing his face on the news)He was also shot at
that if it gets much more dangerous in Houston and my neighborhood, I will sell out and move
part of me wants very much to move - Africa perhaps ? I could see myself living and working in the bush. This is a new thing for me. To allow myself to even dream of what I wanted very strongly a few years ago.
I think I'll keep that thought open to possibility and prayer
God's Grace
thank YOU

life safari 01-08-09

I feel wonderful this morning ! It is going to warm up later today, that makes me very happy.

The low 70's are the best temperatures.

It is Thursday, almost the weekend. I treasure the weekends, I can putz about with no time limitations and enjoy staying up until I decide to go to sleep.

I am Grateful and Thankful for/that...

I had a wonderful morning prayer and devotion time this day
now I feel ready for the challenges of the world
perhaps today I will be able to put together meekness, humility and brotherly love in all my minutes of life - in every situation
especially in traffic !
I'm ready, willing and I feel able
Precious. We had a nice "us time" this morning before getting up
the sunshine and warmer temperatures
God's Grace
thank YOU